Which is hardest on a relationship? Infidelity or No Cause Eviction? In my own case I must say that Eviction is hardest because if he ever cheated on me I would throw his ass out! The apartment is/was mine. Regardless this Eviction is testing and trying to destroy my relationships, not only with him, but other's as well. For all practical purposes, I have become a Ghost. My days are numbered here and I shall be leaving during the "Last Days Of May".
 
I am trying to fade my memory with my neighbors and local community people because this makes things easier all the way around, both for their sakes and my own as well. Much easier if I just leave without telling anybody. No sad good byes, parties or even Facebook updates. Just myself leaving on a Greyhound and leaving everybody behind. Unfortunately, I would also be leaving my $1300 deposit behind, but this should be more than enough to haul my furniture to the dump and clean the place up. No move out inspection either. No hassles. Leaving quietly as I have done so many times before.
 
Lately the familiarity of leaving has been returning to me. This will be move number 46 for me and probably not my last move either, but I do long for a Home. Some place to settle down in and get to know my community like I have done here. I have always been bad at good byes and there has never been a good good bye, so that is why I always leave "In the still of the night". 
 
My lover has been trying very hard to find us a place. I feel so badly for him and I worry about him too. My own emotions have made it impossible for me to comfort him, but still I try. We are both so depressed, but we still hang on to each other. I need him. I hope he needs me just as much. If we stay together through all of this and if he ever asks me to Marry him I would say "Yes". I am not so sure that we will be allowed to stay together though. Outside influences have always challenged our Love ever since the start. Yes, we have fought with each other this past week because we both have different ideas on how to proceed. Sometimes I want to go away on my own, but I always change my mind because I do love him and I feel that he needs me. In my heart of hearts I want to be with him. Everything I have always lost in my life, but I simply can not lose him. I hate when we fight, but I also understand the stresses we are going through too. If we make it through this we can last through anything.
 
I now am certain that my being transgender is the reason for our No Cause Eviction and I am afraid that my gender identity might keep us from being approved for other apartments as well. I will not hold him down though. I will not be a burden. If my identity screws up the next home then I will just dissapear, sadly. This is true Love, because I want the best for him, even if it's not with me. As I have gotten older, breaking hearts has become much less easy for me. These days I now need the comfort and security that a good relationship provides. I need to be settled down. So this makes it much harder for me to leave him unlike many others in my life. If I am to blame for this mess then no matter how much I love him and need him, I will have to go. Quietly. "In the still of the Night".
 

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